5 top tips for preparing children for starting school

Four-year-old Big Girl is starting school next week, and I know I will be teary eyed when taking her to Big School on the first day. I don’t think she’ll be emotional though. She’s incredibly excited about wearing her new uniform, and finding out about the opportunities for doing Show and Tell. She may be in for a shock when she fully understands what it means to go to school, and that’s why I’ve asked my favourite parenting expert Melissa Hood, founding director of The Parent Practice and author of new parenting book Real Parenting for Real Kids, for guidance. Here are Melissa’s top tips for preparing children starting school for the first time:

Starting Big School is a huge milestone and for many parents the thought of it makes them feel quite emotional. In fact, mums are five times more likely to cry on the first day than their children and some of our clients even report that they’ve considered having another baby!

Every child will react differently because every child is unique – their personality, experience and skills will affect how they adapt to school. Many children struggle with the new and unfamiliar and it is not unusual for this to unsettle their behaviour, so you may see some fall-out once they start.

You can prepare and support them in the big move in 3 ways:
1. Set up for success

Your child will have already visited the school and met their teacher. Ask them to remind you of where their classroom is, the playground and the loos and where they leave bags and coats. If possible arrange playdates with other children who are also going .There’s still time to practice the journey. Get into school routines now and practice putting the uniform on and wearing it in the house! Practice saying goodbye and kissing Mummy. You can also practice sitting quietly on the mat and putting up hands to talk. We need to do much more than just TELL them what they need to do at school – we need to help them DO what they need to do at school.

2. Watch out for signs of stress

Your child will be tired and possibly cranky. He may develop eczema or get headaches or tummy aches. He may be rude or uncooperative or cry or tantrum. He will need familiar routines, lots of cuddles and sleep. Don’t get upset by poor or regressive behaviour like whining or sucking thumbs or twiddling hair or wanting to be carried. Instead empathise and say what you need him to do. If he’s too tired right now come back to it later. “When you’re ready you’ll need to use your words to tell Henry that you don’t want to play right now. I’ll help you.” Don’t get angry but don’t let poor behaviour slide. You can ignore babyish behaviour or just say “I think sometimes you wish you were still a baby. I think right now you need lots of cuddles.”

3. Be an emotion coach

School is often fun, interesting and full of friends. AND it can be hard work, sometimes confusing and NOT always exciting, interesting or easy. So when you pick up signs of reluctance or resistance about the thought of going to school, respond empathetically to that, rather than try to deny or change their minds. “Sometimes school can be tiring/feel like hard work; it’s not easy when everything is new. Nursery was fun and you knew everyone there. School can feel bigger and noisier. You probably aren’t sure about lots of things at school yet.”

4. Use descriptive praise

Your child will need many social skills such as being able to wait, be quiet, focus, share, take turns, be patient, be polite. He will need to listen, interpret instructions and remember the rules. None of these things come easily and require maturity. But the best way to develop these skills is to provide children with opportunities to practice them, to notice small signs of them and say something to show you appreciate and value the behaviour. “I’m so pleased that even though you’re upset about me turning the iPad off you didn’t throw any of the toys. You are using self-control.” “Thank you for looking at me. I can see you’re listening well.” “You waited till I finished speaking before you told me about your game. That was patient.”

5. Let them do stuff on their own

One of the ways to really build a child’s confidence is by giving them strong messages that you trust that they are capable. So don’t hover over them but let them learn and make mistakes. Demonstrate that mistakes are tolerated in your family.

The Parent Practice has a number of parenting workshops coming up in Chelsea, Clapham and the City. There are even workshops led by US parenting expert Bonnie Harris, author of acclaimed parenting book When Your Kids Push Your Buttons.

Tags: Back to school, Melissa Hood, Parenting, Parenting course, Positive parenting, The Parent Practice